Page One

yesterday, the only thing that i could do
to stop myself from thinking about what things could have been
was sleep

i literally slept the whole day
i woke up for about two hours to take care of somethings and eat
but went right back to sleep
it was no real escape my dreams just started to incorporate my thoughts
i had the same scenario playing in my head over and over

this morning
i woke up at in just enough time to see the sun come up
it was so refreshing
seeing the sunrise always reminds me that
a new day= a new beginning

i got up made some breakfast
and scribbled this in my journal
and decided to share it with you all here

I lie to everyone about everything, especially me.
I say I'm not tired when I am.
I say I'm hungry when I'm not.
I tell people what they wanna hear.
I never say what I'm actually feeling
I let the lies pile up like bricks on a wall.
Until I can't see out and no one else can see in.

I make a plan to escape.
I become someone else.
I put on a disguise and I climb over the wall.
No one recognizes me.
I feel powerful.
I get people to do what I want them to do, but I go too far.
I get lost, and I don't recognize myself.

I take off my disguise.
I give up the power.
I give up the control.
I retrace my steps.
I go back to the wall and i take it down brick by brick
I bury them in my special place.
I strip away all the lies so there are none, remember the girl I left behind, claim the confidence that was missing, envision the woman I want to be, and tell everyone the truth about everything, especially me.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is beautiful

christa said...

most of the time when i come to read your blogs the title always coincides with the blog but i dont get this one. why page one?

adorkable said...

lol theres no super complex reasoning why its page one or anything...i finally filled up my old journal and started a new one
and this was just what i wrote on page one of the new journal lol

mira said...

i do not visit you blog as often as i used to when you first started it because now it seems to be merely entertainment and updates. in the beginning you used to really release your thoughts and so many times it helped me see a clear way out of what i was going through. to my pleasant surprise i come here to check on you and this is here. i love your writing you have a real talent. you a real artist in every aspect of the word. writing, the graphics, and you have a great musical ear keep up the good work hun!

Anonymous said...

i big part of making a transition is recognizing there needs to be a change

Anonymous said...

have you ever found yourself wanting to be someone else

Germaine said...

POIGNANT.

Honest poetry is always the most interesting & engrossing.
Well written Aim..

adorkable said...

i never found myself wanting to be someone else..more like wishing i could do what alot of other people do

Jade Elizabeth said...

i love it aimee. i can actually visualize everything your talking about in my head. --itS amazing